4 words: hood of his car
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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