Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
