You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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