So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize