You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
