I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize