I could have mohawked her pubes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
