I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
