Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize