At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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