I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
