she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He shit in the fireplace
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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