The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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