two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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