I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
