If that was your dad, he is hot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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