I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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