oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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