Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
