i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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