he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
