Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
