Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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