You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
