Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
