So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
