im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize