Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
