I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
