i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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