Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
