Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
