***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
