Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
