so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
