Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
