There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
