um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
