My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
