Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
