he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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