I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
