I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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