I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize