Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
