I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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