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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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