I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
