And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize