My hand turned me down
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You ate ashes out of my bong
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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