I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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