I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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