Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
