Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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