I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
