At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How naked do you want me to be?
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