you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
