he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize