Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
