I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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