hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
