speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
