If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
