Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
