It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
