He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
