After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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