I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
