After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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