It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
