nut hugger
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
a search helicopter?!
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
