sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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