Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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