I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
