Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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