I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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